Fall 2013

Fall is almost gone.  Can't believe how fast time is flying.  Caleb is doing fabulously in kindergarten.  He loves school.  He played soccer with his Saturday league.  It's really just for fun.  Byron Coached and Caleb loved that.  He will be starting a more competitive league-the Chargers- in a few weeks.

And for the other soccer player in the family…Cameron! He is enjoying school and college life. He is so busy between classes and traveling to soccer games.  Couldn't be more proud of him.  

Here's a few silly pics...

My beauty, Zoey! She, too, enjoys school a lot.  She is such a joy to me.  I tell you what, though, no one is going to make this strong willed bugger do what she doesn't want to do. Such a determined one…much like Caleb (but less-thank goodness! Ha!). I love that she has a mind of her own.  Can't wait to see what interests she's going to have as she gets older. 

She's had to go to so many dr appt's with me & Cruz.  She used to say that Cruz was not her favorite brother, but seeing what he's had to go thru has really softened her towards him. She is so kind to him now, always asking "Can Cruz eat this?" because she wants to share her food.  I can already see her maternal side.  :)

Couldn't love them any more.

My parents and I took the kids to Old McMicky's Farm.  We had so much fun.  The kids got to see so many animals, catch chickens, even milk a cow!

Halloween! Cruz was Spiderman, Zoey was Jessie from Toy Story and Caleb was the red Power Ranger.  Cruz was a pro-he walked up and said "trick or treat" and "thank  you". He loved being one of the big kids.

The top pic is of Zoey and her bff, Trevor.  They go to school together and we get together with Trevor and his mom and do story time at the library.  She loves him.  The bottom is Caleb and his bff, Malachi (he's the one in the middle). 

Ah, my sweet Cruz.  If you've kept up with the blog you know that Cruz has had feeding issues for the last 6-8 months.  After trying everything possible to avoid a feeding tube, I came to the realization that this was bigger than me.  At least I know that I have tried everything and have had time to be comfortable with this decision.  Even when you know it's the right thing it is still very difficult.  My biggest concern wasn't a percentile number or a weight it was this: how can my son possibly be getting all the nutrients his little body and brain need to develop to their fullest extent when he is only living off of 4 pureed fruits and breast milk? And so we moved forward with the feeding tube.

The first step was an NG tube.  He had this for a few days to make sure he could tolerate the formula.  Since Cruz has a severe dairy allergy, it limits us to basically one formula we can use.

I wanted to take one last picture of my baby's belly.  He has a white spot on his belly that I love.  That's where I'm represented!  Ha!

And this is the finished product.  For now, at least.  It was much longer than I imagined but I'm getting used to it.  It is cumbersome and difficult to find things to keep it in place so it's not hanging and pulling on him.  I'm still in search of the perfect product that is soft and will hold it in place.  Now he gets 4-6oz feeds a day (that last 30 minutes each) and I still breastfeed at night.  He is still in feeding therapy and we will have to work on lessening the feeds eventually so that he can actually feel hunger and want to eat "regular" food.  He still cannot chew or swallow anything other than pureed foods.  Because of this, I know he will probably have this tube for many months or longer.

While in the hospital he got sick twice-once with the rhinovirus that came with 103 fevers and finished up with a nice round of a stomach bug.  It was the roughest 7 days of my life.  I think I got a total of one hour's sleep the entire week. Now it's just working out the kinks. He fell on his plug last week and it was a bloody mess.  Yes, it freaked me out.  Then there was the severe constipation that required x-rays, massive hourly doses of laxative, naturally followed by severe diaper rash…let's just say, I probably should've been wearing a haz-mat suit.  :P I feel like each day gets a little easier in some regards and a little more challenging in other areas. I have to adhere to a strict feeding schedule that is rather limiting.  He is still restless at night and not sleeping thru the night but he is improving. As for me, I have good days and bad.  Sometimes I wish I could have a day off-take a break for a week or so. It's exhausting and I'm the only one that can do it.  It's a full time job just having Cruz-dr appts, feeding therapy, tests, etc. So if i'm not looking  my best it's because i'm not my best.  This has been a challenging year for me physically and emotionally. Getting the feeding tube takes some pressure off but it doesn't mean my kid can finally eat. I'm not a glass half full kind of person. I'm a realist. We still have a long road ahead and it's not easy but at least I know that I'm doing everything I can to make sure my boy is going to develop to his fullest extent.  Here's to better days ahead!  :)

Here is my amazing 5 year old! How handsome is this boy?!?! Can't believe I made these beautiful children! Had these taken for his birthday.  He loves to have his picture taken.  SO photogenic!

We had lots of birthday celebrations this year.  Caleb wanted a Chuck E Cheese party so here are some pics of the party for kids we had there.

Since Zoey's birthday is only 2 weeks after Caleb's we did a small family party with B's family for both kids.

And lastly, Miss Zoey got a cake of her own on her big day.  Probably a little much but I love to celebrate birthday's!  :)

This adorable pic is of Zoey and Emerson, Cameron's other sister.  Em is just one month younger than Zoey.  So cute together!

We were under the gun to get Zoey potty trained in time for preschool.  She knew how to go but would refuse to wear underwear and only wanted her diaper. I knew she just needed the right incentive.  Sure enough I just told her one Monday that if she went on the potty all week long, she would get the Jessie doll she'd been wanting. That was all she needed.  No looking back. No major accidents.  And look at that smile! My big girl.

Cruz.  My sweet, smiley bundle of love.  Ah! Not much has changed.  He continues to make gains in feeding therapy, but has regressed this month due to cutting 6 teeth (or so we think that's the reason). So frustrating.  Mealtimes are now a chore-he fights me feeding him.  For the last few weeks he hasn't eaten well.  For some reason he can't seem to get to 20 lbs.  It appears to his GI dr and feeding therapist that we are missing some medical link.  He had his adenoids removed last week-they were particularly enlarged.  This is not the a-ha we're looking for but will surely help his breathing, sleeping and eating a bit.  He still cannot swallow anything but pureed food-and still only eats about 5 flavors at that.  It's heartbreaking bc the older he gets the more he wants to eat what the other kids are having but can't.  I feel like it's a never ending emotional rollercoaster.  I can be ok and feel good about how far we've come, but then he regresses, wants to eat and can't and it gets depressing.  Imagine feeding your child 3 times a day was like torturing them. That is what it can be like.  And not only can it feel like torture but you know they are suffering nutritionally from not eating as much as they should.  I try to stay positive, but I certainly have my days.  Like I've always said, thank God he's a happy boy.  

Caleb-ever the poser!

These boys LOVE each other so much!

I know it's deceiving..to look at this happy boy who looks pretty healthy.  It's hard when people say, "Oh, he'll be fine" or "mine was tiny too and they're fine now". First of all, I know he will be fine-but the path we have to take to get there and how long of a journey to get "fine"is not one I'd wish on anyone. I'm sure people mean well but my boy is not simply a picky eater.  He cannot swallow.  He cannot chew.  I'm probably a bit sensitive, but I work my butt off going to therapy (and hour away twice a week) and all the allergy and GI appts not to mention what I have to do at mealtime just to get him to eat on a daily basis.  I guess I feel it minimizes what we are going through when I hear these comments.  Hopefully I will have better things to report next post.

On to happier topics...my two peas in a pod! Love these rascals!

Here are Zoey's 3 year old pics.  Can't believe this is my girl! 

 This is SO Zoey!  The pose is angelic but those eyes are saying something completely different!

So this is what no mother wants to hear the day before the first day of kindergarten: "Mom, I cut my hair and it didn't even hurt!  It didn't hurt Zoey either!" Caleb lopped off one side of his curls at the root.  Crazy enough, it actually improved his hair! He cut Zoey's hair too but luckily only one small strand.

Caleb's first day pics! He loved school but the honeymoon didn't last long.  Two days later he came home in tears: my teacher is so mean-she says I have to work THEN play! We are a month into things and I think he's accepted things.  It was a bit of an adjustment but for the most part he looks forward to going.

Here is my sweet dad reading to the kids.  They love him so much.  I've been so lucky to have him help watching the kids while I take Cruz to so many appts.  The kids have loved spending so much time with him.  Sadly, my dad has been rather rapidly losing his eye sight.  He's always had bad vision in one eye for some time but it appears the same is happening to the other eye.  He's been hospitalized twice in the last 2 months to be given steroids through an IV in the hopes of halting any further damage to his optic nerve.  They thought it was an eye stroke, a virus and now they are not really sure what is going on.  He's seen several specialist, including a nop notch neurologist who specializes in the retina. Still  no real answeres and his vision continues to decline. As you can imagine, it's been very difficult.  Heck, my dad is only 67 and just retired in April.  

And here's the college boy!!  Number 19! Cameron is doing so well in college.  He has gotten to play in every game so far, including one road trip.  So awesome.  And it's been so great that Byron has gotten to see every home game.  Here are some pics of Cam in action.  :)

We had the luxury of getting to spend Labor Day weekend at my friend's beach condo.  Nothing like a deep exhale at the beach.  So much fun family time.  I absolutely love our time there.

Yeah, yeah..go ahead and tease me, Cruz.  You'll eat the sand but not food.  :P

We have 2 number 19's in the family!  How lucky is that!  Caleb's new soccer uniform.